Women love their children. Society has developed a sense that no one loves their child(ren) as much as mommy. Where some of what they are saying holds a lot of fact, it only tells part of the story. Let's dig into the harsh realities of the maternal and paternal bond.
I remember growing up on a Farm in Compton. In our home growing up, boys were suppose to be tough, rugged, outdoors MEN. Women were soft, timid, emotional, indoors people. The women were to hold down all the domestic duties and provide all the emotional stability, warmth and love. The men had the permeating role of; MEN don't cry, suck it up, get tough, lift this, lift that.
So far all that's dandy, we lived it, yes but is it healthy for our child(ren), Though it holds fact to being the way men and women are wired? The caveat is; MEN are also wired to LOVE. Just because MoMs have a soft maternal method of loving and DaDs have a harder paternal method of loving does not mitigate the harsh reality that MEN have a STRONG propensity to LOVE their child(ren). It's the execution that is in question and may in fact unlock the mysteries of many woes society has endured from the lack of proper and acceptable execution in paternal love. Society has watered down the fact that it's ok for a man to express emotion, sensitivity, laughs or even tears with their child(ren). To kiss their child(ren), hug them or even say I love you to their Sons. Really...! You can't tell your Sons that you love them verbally without the stigma of being soft or implying they are soft. It's all pseudo dogma intended for good but it led to a damaged society of confused and mis-directed boys and men.
Through my study of many relational, psychological and behavioral studies by psychology researchers on family behavior. There has been countless findings on the contribution DaDs make to the lives of children and these contributions confirm the fact that a male's strong influence of love premiates the core and fabric of modern households.
It is a fact that after a baby is born the early formative years of their life mold and shape their brain and who they are and that DNA passes to their offsprings. What is also known is that the involvement of DaDs help to define a child's character and mold the direction of the child despite the child's infant interaction that serves as a very important foundation. Let's look at a few studies briefly:
According to Rohner (1975, 2004) parental acceptance and rejection form the warmth dimension of parenting. This dimension can be defined as a continuum where, at one end of the continuum are those pairents who express their love and warmth to their children verbally or physically, and, at the other extreme, are those pairents who feel aversion and disapproval for their children and may use severe or abusive discipline strategies.
Parental Acceptance-Rejection Theory (PARTheory; Rohner, 1986; Rohner & Rohner, 1980), a socialization theory that attempts to predict and explain major antecedents, consequences, and other correlates of parental warmth (Khaleque & Rohner, 2002).
One postulate of PARTheory is that the psychological adjustment of children everywhere – regardless of differences in culture, ethnicity, race, gender, socioeconomic status, or other such defining conditions – varies as a direct result of their experiences of parental (maternal and paternal) acceptance (Khaleque & Rohner, 2002). A meta-analysis of 43 studies drawn from 7,563 respondents in 15 countries (Khaleque & Rohner) confirmed the expectation that perceived parental acceptance is universally associated with psychological adjustment. Thus, strong evidence supports PARTheory’s expectations that children everywhere who come from loving (accepting) families are more likely than children who come from unloving (rejecting) families to feel good about themselves, feel competent, have less problems with the management of hostility and aggression, have adequate emotional responsiveness and emotional stability, have less dependence and have a positive worldview (Kim & Rohner, 2002, 2003; Rohner, 2004).
(Rohner, 2004; Rohner & Britner, 2002); (2) to evaluate independently the relationship between perceived maternal and paternal acceptance and children’s psychological and social adjustment – with this aim we tested the possible differences in this relationship between father and mother acceptance (Veneziano, 2000; Rohner & Veneziano, 2001); and (3) to use two independent measures of children’s outcomes (reported by children and parents) in order to avoid possible shared variance (Rohner; Veneziano).
Finally, we have also included three sociodemographic variables identified by researchers as potential sources of variation in the relationship between parental behavior and children’s outcomes. These variables are children’s age (Biller & Kimpton, 1997), gender (Updegraff, McHale, & Crouter, 1996), and social class (Veneziano, 2000).
The sample consisted of 234 children and 234 parental figures (mother or primary female caregiver, and father or primary male caregiver) living in two-parent nuclear families in Colombia, South America. Questionnaires were completed by children and parents or primary caregivers. Children ranged in age from 7 to 13 years (M = 9.7, SD = 1.31). Of the children 51.7% (n = 121) were male and 48.3% (n = 113) female. All the children were attending school at the time of the research. Of the parents’ questionnaires, 86.3% (n = 202) were completed by mothers and 13.7% (n = 32) by fathers.
Children’s mean score for perceived maternal acceptance (M = 112.5, SD = 30.9, n = 234) indicates that children in this sample experienced, on the average, more maternal acceptance than rejection. Twenty-five (10.7 %) of the children had PARQ scores (mother version) at or above 150, indicating that they experienced significantly more maternal rejection than acceptance. Children’s mean score for
PATERNAL AND MATERNAL ACCEPTANCE IN COLOMBIA 119
Perceived paternal acceptance (M = 112.1, SD = 32.8, n = 233) indicates that children in this sample experienced on the average more paternal acceptance than rejection. Twenty-nine (12.4%) of the children had PARQ scores (father version) at or above 150, indicating that they experienced significantly more paternal rejection than acceptance.
So please ladies, this is the era where paternal and maternal come together and show that peaceful co-pairenting can in fact exist and expand to many households beginning first with yours. It takes a strong conscientious resolve from both pairents to began the evolution of peaceful coexistence and pairenting in your community. Let it began today, let it began with the warm maternal stance towards the paternal being in your child's life... His DaD. Though you cannot reverse the profile established during those crucial infant formative years. Studies have proven that DaD can influence strong, healthy characteristics that become dominant behavior in his child's development up and to adolescence through adulthood.
The importance of a DaD's LOVE shown, verbalized and taught will serve as a spring board in the child(ren)'s life moving forward that will become invaluable. ...It's Time !
In summation, what is your experience as DaDs in your child's life and MoMs how are you contributing to the involvement or un-involement of DaD in your child(ren)'s lives? Please, do discuss below...